THE OBEDIENT STAR: ISSUE FOUR

From the Office of Official Information of The Pentastar Alignment

In celebration of recent triumphs, rations are increased by a further fifteen percent for one fortnight for all citizens deemed sufficiently grateful. Citizens deemed insufficiently grateful will receive the standard subsistence allocation and a visit from the Inquestoriate.

THE TREACHERY OF THE JEDI ORDER, AND THE PURSUIT OF BORK

The Office of Official Information can now confirm what loyal citizens have long known: the Jedi Order are rebels.

The matter began when Bork Shalas unlawfully acquired a classified asset belonging to friends of the Alignment. When word of the theft reached us, the Moff Council did not hesitate. Patrols at Derra were suspended immediately, and Bork was pursued to Petabys, where various un-aligned factions, recognising true order when they see it, graciously joined the hunt. Outnumbered and outmanoeuvred, Bork fled to the newly catalogued Khuiumin system to reinforce the operations of his (then) known accomplice, the pirate Krodo Rask.

It was then that certain disloyal elements within the Rebel apparatus leaked his location to us, and the chase continued with our coalition intact. A straightforward anti-piracy operation, or so we believed.

The Jedi Order saw it differently. Despite the unambiguously advertised anti-piracy character of our mission, and a local ceasefire, they opened fire upon Alignment forces in the Khuiumin void. Let that settle, reader: the Jedi Order chose to fire upon a lawful anti-piracy coalition. Are we really that bad?

In the skirmishing that followed, the Jedi Thragg Craghorn, piloting a (assumably stolen) CR-90 through our lawful blockade was bravely intercepted by Commander Hatar Calud. Inspectors of the Grander Moff are currently reviewing how Master Craghorn subsequently escaped. Preliminary findings suggest misplaced mercy on the part of a junior officer who mistakenly believed there must have been a clerical error. The review is ongoing, but the Jedi’s later return in a Frigate to commit further perfidy against our efforts speaks to the quality of his gratitude.

The Moff Council further notes the appearance at Khuiumin of one Bradar Skylancer, who is speculated (by our analysts) to have travelled a considerable distance to settle a matter of personal honour with the criminal Rask. The Alignment recognises righteous vengeance as a legitimate form of recreation in this case and wishes both well in their blood feud.

The Galactic community should note carefully these events: organisations that purport to stand for peace are actively impeding law and order. Review you intelligence sharing arrangements carefully and understand that all is not as it seems within the so-called forces of justice.

SEROCCO SECTOR: ROUTINE PATROL STATUS UPDATE

Alignment forces, operating under the adequate command Moff Dane Star, continue their scheduled peacekeeping rotation across the Serocco system. The system remains in good order and security continues to be provided by forces of The Pentastar Alignment.

Readers are reminded that the so-called “Restored Empire” remains a known disinformation front operated by the newly re-branded Rebel Alliance Intelligence apparatus: an organisation whose recent name change to the “New” “Republic” constitutes a transparent attempt to obscure its seditious origins. They cooperate with pirates, and continue to have a suspicious degree of access to restricted rebel technologies. Our Moff Council notes that the Galactic Empire’s Imperial Intelligence Bureau has recently reclassified the “Restored Empire” threat designation from “Low” to “Negligible.” No event in the Ploo sector has given us cause to revise their assessment upward.

Routine anti-pirate patrols, conducted by elements under the command of Rear Admiral Zex Shaz, proceeded without incident. The patrol’s scheduled sweep of orbital and planetary sensor networks was completed to the Grander Moff’s orders, ensuring the continued integrity of our defensive apparatus against any who might seek to degrade galactic security. Whilst at no point was operational tempo elevated beyond our standard readiness levels, several cargo containers were prominently subjected to controlled detonations after reports that the late-but-infamous force-wielding Spider Demon Rivain Dumat had interfered with both them, and our sensor network.

The Office of the Grander Moff confirms that Moff Dane Star personally oversaw the lawful repossession of several vessels. These vessels are presently undergoing standard administrative processing outlined in this publication’s previous issue. Sentients wanting to reclaim their vessels should complete the forms in triplicate at the Malrin Centre.

News articles circulating in certain unlicensed media outlets alleging hostile engagement are categorically false. No hostile forces entered Serocco space, although a squadron of regrettably over-engineered Saboath Destroyers was sighted nearby. No engagement occurred. The Moff Council does not recognise the legal personhood of unregistered combatants, and by definition, no entity lacking legal personhood can mount an “attack.” Citizens are reminded that repeating such fabrications constitutes sedition and should be reported to the local Inquestoriate.

Our friends in Black Sun are thanked for their material aid in our shared effort to cut out the cancer in rebel blighted systems like Serocco. Criminals are reminded that our stockpile of war vessels is infinite and any perceived losses are trivial compared to the glory of turning back the galactic tide of disloyalty.

WARNING: Alignment forces remain active in restoring law to systems like Serocco and Derra. Loyal pilots and bounty hunters are advised to respond to all hails quickly to avoid boarding operations and, in all cases, to have their papers ready. Post-boarding paperwork must be handwritten in triplicate, and ships may be transferred to the Malrin Centre for later pickup if your errors result in our misidentification. Remember, sentients: If you see Pentastar blue, speak true.

A PATRIOT AWAKENS ON NABOO

During a goodwill visit to the Chommel Sector, Alignment representatives had the honour of inspiring a Gungan patriot, known to admirers in the Alignment, romantic and otherwise, as “Comrade Boss”, to rise in glorious rebellion against the tyranny of so-called democracy that has taken over his beloved homeworld.

We understand Comrade Boss has acquired several crates of agricultural equipment, water purification tablets, and other humanitarian supplies that were generously donated by private citizens of the Alignment acting entirely on their own initiative and without any coordination with, or authorisation from, the Moff Council. Should any of this humanitarian material prove to have dual-use applications in the pursuit of freedom, this is a happy coincidence for which the Alignment accepts no responsibility.

The Moff Council wishes to be absolutely clear: rebellion is a grave and contemptible crime against all morality. The Alignment does not sponsor rebellion. The Alignment maintains no formal or informal relationship with any rebel group or individual, and any suggestion to the contrary will be referred to your local Inquestoriate for review. However, rebelling against a rebellion itself is the true meaning of loyalty. It is a noble awakening of the honest spirit and proof that even a Gungan may, in time, learn to discern moral good from evil. Comrade Boss is to be commended by all and we hope many follow their example.

“Meesa done hidin’. Dey tink Gungans just swimmin inna swamp an’ forget bombad tings. But wesa no forget. Democracy? Pfft. Dey say ‘da people choosin” but who choosin’ da choices, eh? Is all rigged, okey-day? So meesa standen up. Not for meesa-self. For Naboo. For da dream dream of someone what actually knows what dey doin’ bein’ in charge. Meesa like order. Order keepen da swamp from becomin’ da sewer. Bluh-Bluh-Bluh-Bluh-Bluh-Bluh-Bluh-Bluh-Bluh-Bluh-Bluh-Bluh-Bluh-Bluh!”

The Moff Council extends its warmest thoughts and most sincere prayers to Comrade Boss and their associates. We look forward to never speaking of them again.

SEDITION CAUSES MASS MIS-PRINT

Subscribers of the Obedient Star may note that issue 3, regrettably, failed to be delivered in physical format. Investigation by the inquestoriate has determined that saboteurs and traitors, objecting to the recent Meleenium tariffs, damaged the integrity of our battle-tested propaganda machinery causing large delays in our reporting.

The Grander Moff commented on the delay during his station walkabout this week: “It’s just so tiring you know? One minute you are aboard your squadron interceptors crushing your enemies, the next, you are having to deal with some disloyal lie-monger tempted to do ill by your totally justified 1,100% meleenium tariff. Well guess what? The tariffs are staying. I may even triple them.”

Recognised sentients may request their copy of issue 3 in writing to the office of the Grander Moff. Family reading is encouraged as a sure way to prevent your offspring from turning to false-hope of betrayal.

Closing Notes from the editor:

• The Restored Empire is neither restored, nor an empire. Discuss with your children so that they do not develop delusions.
• The Jedi Order have confusing principles and spread misinformation.
• Comrade Boss has been inspired although we accept no responsibility for their actions.
• Meleenium remains seditious.
• The printing machinery has been repaired.
• Do not record monthly prices of good or services.

This edition was triple-verified by the secretariat of the Moff Council.

Any misreading is your own fault.

To buy this paper in physical format, please send 21 Galactic Credits to the sanctions avoidance and foreign currency bureau.