Suck Oygar! Meesa Learning Mando!
Editor’s Note: This article has been translated from its original Gunganese to Galactic Basic for the ease of the reader.
Across this vast and diverse galaxy, there are a multitude of fascinating peoples, cultures, and religions. Some are rather obscure, and others exist at the forefront of galactic politics. One of the more prevalent ways of life that millions of sentients subscribe to is that of the Mandalorians. They are known for their warlike ways and rigid approach to honor, duty, and family; but as one could speculate, there is much more to discover below the surface. One topic relating to the Mandalorian lifestyle that I have been researching is their seemingly bizarre mating rituals. I had heard many rumors beforehand, but I decided to take matters into my own hands and do a bit of digging for myself- and for you, dear reader. The first individual I thought to interview was one of Psychotic Tabloid’s very own writers who goes by the codename “Outlaw”. She has first-hand experience with these intriguing creatures, and her insight would prove invaluable.
“The ‘Geroya’, or Game, as they call it in their native tongue, starts with an attempt at attracting a mate.” Outlaw explains to me. “Like a sort of exotic bird, the Mandalorian will paint its armor with bright colors and flashy symbols in hopes to catch the attention of a potential lover.” My prior research on their culture confirms this to be true. Their armor and its colors hold much significance in Mandalorian culture: indeed, many of the more zealous and traditional Mandos outright refuse to remove it for any reason. This prompted my next question. I ask Outlaw how exactly the reproductive process works when religious dogma forbids the removal of armor. She politely declines to provide an answer, stating that it would leave me with a “harsh mental image and possibly scar our readers for life.”
One important aspect of Mandalorian life is adoption, where oaths are sworn between prospective parents and children. I ask if this came into practice after the armor removal ban, to which Outlaw corrects me, stating there was never any such ban. She tells me that Mandalorian adoption is a more practical matter, stemming from the need to care for orphans displaced by wars and conquest, but I digress. Moving on to another question, I make an inquiry into the proper way to “talk dirty” in the Mandalorian language. She humors me and shares several lines, though I fear they are both too violent and too raunchy to repeat in polite company. “We are a culture based on battle and war. We live hard, fight hard, and love hard. It is the Way.” She reminds me. I end the interview by asking her to confirm a hot rumor making its way around the holonet. “No, we do not cannibalize the males after we mate. They are of more use to us alive.” With mild amusement, she tells me she would like to wrap up the interview with no further questions or comments, concluding the first entry into Psychotic Tabloid’s Culture Clash segment. Join us next time as we continue to scour the galaxy to uncover the hard truth and provide answers to all of the mysteries possessed by our beloved readers.