Jawa Offworld Bankruptcy
Founded almost 5 years ago on a shoestring budget, the plucky band of Jawas who founded JOE were simply unable to adequately spend what little capital they had. However, after years of hard work, expenditures have managed to grow exponentially, reaching record highs of spending to outpace many more legitimate governments. This spending has included elaborate megaprojects to colonize entire asteroid belts, funding the spread of organized Jawa religion throughout the galaxy, and investing heavily in uplifting alien races to the status of respect that Jawas enjoy. Recent weeks, months, and mostly just the last year have seen countless achievements completed, each adding a new and greater cost to the group. However, the biggest achievement has been the Jawa group reaching a level of irresponsible spending beyond any other known galactic enterprises. Simply put, Jawa Offworld Enterprises is going bankrupt.
An explanation of the Jawa economic situation.
Nowhere in Jawa enterprise has this been more apparent than in the official religion, the Jawa Industrial Magi. Given large amounts of leeway by the local government and financially supported by JOE leadership, the Jawa Industrial Magi have managed to do more than simply be beacons of light in a dark galaxy. They’ve also managed to fund the increasingly lavish lifestyle of Tilba Ugama. However, after a long and lengthy legal battle involving the church and several landowners across Tatooine it has become apparent that even mainstream religions are required to pay rent to continue operating. When asked, the creditor’s representative, Gree Dione, commented “I’m glad this is all over now. It’s not our fault that JIM couldn’t keep up with their end of the deal. Now I’m off to repair my relationship with my mother, a hardline Tinkerer follower.” We’ll see if Tilba’s bold strategy of “save money by not paying rent” works out in the long run.
Relations with Tusken Raiders have also reached an all time low, and several Tusken clans have reportedly gone into open rebellion against Jawa governance.Following the Jawa consolidation of power on Tatooine an arrangement had been reached regarding the integration of Tusken Raiders into irregular militia to assist in preventing the spread of cartels and dangerous wildlife into the civilized areas. However, a recent incident involving a battalion of Tusken Raiders led by JOE representative Alaenoor Shouna has soured relations. The band of tusken raiders were “Fed bad information and then fed to a krayt dragon”. Jawa Offworld Enterprises is reportedly attempting to hire anyone possible to constrain the now unchecked local wildlife and to provide protection from Tusken raiding parties. Amnesty has been granted to a large number of former pirates from Requiem in order to expand the number of potential mercenaries to hire for protection of trade routes.
Another highlight of Jawa success has been the Artifically-Habitable Asteroid program. After a breakthrough on Chenini made by a team of researchers led by Ines Astyne under the watchful eye of Kolomon Seph, Jawas have found a way to salvage the very skies into something of value. Resources including building materials, medicine, and food have been diverted from Tatooine as people try to colonize “totally unlivable” asteroid belts. It is unclear what reason, if any, there is for wanting to invest so much in generating barely liveable conditions in space when there is no shortage of real estate in the Tatoo outer area. However, we’re awaiting a second breakthrough from Ines Astyne to economically justify his previous research.
The future of unaffordable housing!
Grand Rear Admiral Jorn Stones has personally overseen some of the greatest military expenditures in the Jawa Outer Colonies of Xappyh. Recently, Grand Read Admiral Stones launched an attack on a suspected criminal outpost in the sector. However, after passing out due to excessive inebriation from celebrating his last military victory the fleet was left without sufficient command or control. Reports of pilots just waiting for “the pirates” to do something continued for hours. This eventually ended when an unknown Jawa stole Stones’ authorization codes and directed all pilots to the nearest culinary station. This incident follows a trend of degradation in the Jawa Invasion Complex. This was highlighted in a suspected friendly fire incident when Jawa-led bombers open fired on a Jawa-led carrier craft that was “acting suspiciously like it was hostile”. All Jawa military operations were considered to be a smashing success and have been successfully propagandized as simple shows of force.
Similarly, revelations have rocked the robed world regarding the the Jawa Offworld Enterprises Head of State, Head of Government, Commander in Chief, and Boss Of Salvaging Services, Ini Kedi I. In an attempt to protect his own personal salvage from damage in the dangerous asteroid fields surrounding Tatoo, Ini has repeatedly damaged company property with apparently no intention to ever repair it. Flying comically big carriers through the asteroid field, often directly through dense fields, Ini Kedi I has reportedly severely damaged a key Modular Taskforce Cruiser assigned to defend Tatoo in the event of an invasion. Ini has since claimed that he thought an invasion was imminent, and he was helping fulfill the role of those carriers by carrying his salvage to safety. Another excellent case of Jawa leadership setting an example from the top to be followed by the thousands of overpaid and underworked middle managers below.
The Jawa Exploratory Salvage Squadron has also seen radical new investment in its future. Under the lead of suspected non-Jawa Tipris Taprahn the squadron has successfully invested billions into mapping the galaxy. After around a year of overseeing the squadron, Master Colonialist Taprahn has confirmed that “There’s nothing interesting to find out in the galaxy any more” and proceeded to invest all remaining funds into the purchasing a collection of space-yachts to be used for searching in style since “If we’re going to find nothing I’ll do it with an on-ship pool”.
Jawa council discusses investment plans.
Naturally, Jawa Offworld Enterprises is doing everything it can to address these crises. The council has been holding regular meetings to try and find a solution and in order to classify large amounts of catering as vital business expenses. In an attempt to rid itself from debt, Jawas are reportedly hunting for an adequate scapegoat to pin it on. It is unclear what shockwaves will be sent through the economy by this blatant disregard for responsibility, but reports of economic hardships on Tatooine have started to surface. Many establishments have been suffering from intermittent power outages as critical infrastructure, completely ignored since the Jawa takeover of the planet, has started to sink into the sand. It is rumored that some expect civil war to surface in Tatoo, with several key members of the high Jawa council being spotted shoring up defenses in the nearby Geonosis should it be needed to provide a safe haven.