Mummers Compendium #24
Twenty-four listed mercenary networks, boasting up to ninety-seven locations, accounting for over seven hundred taverns galaxy-wide, but which network of bounty outposts is the best? Without a set of standards to follow, most of the galaxy has assumed that the largest network should be the most attractive. More taverns mean better coverage, and that should translate into improved convenience, but is this logic reliable? Isn’t it possible that a smaller network might offer a memorable experience while a larger network might offer nothing more than an abundance of mediocrity?
Well, the Mummers have been visiting these networks on your behalf. We secretly went as ordinary customers to some of the biggest bounty destinations in the galaxy and ranked every network doing business there. We award networks one star for the menu, one star for the atmosphere, and one star for customer service, up to a maximum of three stars. The result?
The Alliance of Mercenary Consortiums gets two stars. But it should be noted that their entire network does not bear this rating, only the establishments they host on Leafar, which are not all run by the Alliance itself. But they did spend the time and credits to ensure that most of the taverns in their territory were serving a quality menu. We found it awkward that the bar is located in the back office, where the Guild reps are set up. But it makes sense when you consider that the front has been converted into a venue for live entertainment.
Cantrell Consulting is also spotty, but some of their locations have earned two stars for arrangements strikingly similar to AMC, with a wet bar in the back and live music up front.
The Argent Company serves a refreshing menu at every location we visited, without exception. Although these taverns tend to be rather quiet and some of the signs are in Mandalorian, which we don’t read. Argent only earns one star, but uniformly. In this galaxy, that in itself is commendable.
Blue Star Enforcement goes the extra parsec by bringing in outfitters to offer reasonably priced bounty hunting supplies to their patrons. Certainly worth one star, but they earn no others. Refreshments are not available, nor is entertainment, and they have droids posted to report on their customers. Not every Blue Star location rates that star either; they are inconsistent.
No other bounty-hunting networks have earned any Mummer stars. We have been gravely disappointed in the tragedy of this insufferably derelict bar scene. The vast and overwhelming majority of bounty-hunting outposts across this wretched galaxy are empty and lifeless dives. The unspoken message seems to be that if you’re a bounty hunter, you need to leave the money and then boska. It breaks our hearts that we cannot offer you a single three-star network. Perhaps next year.
We have taken it upon ourselves to help rectify this travesty, but our efforts to bring tasteful menus to inhospitable dry bars have been met with tremendous resistance. We have been banned from Morobe, blacklisted from the Smuggler’s Guild network, and even deliberately blocked from handing over rescued scientists. It would seem that some guildmasters consider themselves to be above the Creed. But don’t despair fellow spacer; we’re on your side, especially when the proprietors aren’t. This is Steven Dirtfarmer for the Mummers Compendium. Party on.
