Petty-bys Pirates Put Down

Jawas are inherently peaceful [1], we believe that free trade and prosperity between all races [2], religions [3], and governments is a goal which we should strive for as a galactic community. However, there comes a point where hands are forced and profit must be lost [4]. Following a declaration of war from the pirate group Son-Tuul Pride [5], the megacorporation Jawa Offworld Enterprises ended up being dragged into a war which recently resulted in a number of skirmishes regarding a cache of restricted technology of Rebel Alliance design [6].

Petabys, Battle One, Y26 D63, Bork Flees, told by Jorn Stones

Grand Vice Admiral of the Robed Alliance for Intergalactic Defense [7]

We received solid intel that a group of pirates managed to steal a sizable batch of Rebel Alliance fighters and were actively working to bypass their locked controls, their frequent mistakes sending out the occasional ping that allowed us to easily pinpoint their location. Spearheading a rapidly assembled task force [8], we swiftly disabled the corvette from which the pings were originating, as well as destroying two corvettes outright and forcing two more to retreat after subjecting them to heavy fire. We later confirmed Bork Shalas was one of the first to flee, abandoning his fleet to be decimated by Jawa forces [9]. I personally led a boarding party onto the disabled corvette [10] to retrieve any fighters that remained behind to bolster our own forces, and to my surprise, the pirates had already abandoned the ship entirely and escaped with whatever craft they could, allowing us to retrieve twenty-one fighters without opposition.

Serroco, Early Skirmishes, Y26 D82-84, told by Jon Petrik

Serroco Expert, Bounty Hunter at The Exchange [11]

I was tracking down a bounty when a little Geejaw [12] told me Bork was setting up a party in my backyard. He always throws a good mixer, so I decided to stop by for a Mocoa and ended up staying for a 3 day rager, you know how that goes. Spent all three days dancing with his pretty little satellites. He got a little handsy with some friends [13], and I had a couple Coronas, so things got pretty heated. I was the only person there at the time who wasn’t on the invite list, so I ended up in a brawl with about a dozen of them. Over the course of two days my squadrons got into several skirmishes with Son-Tuul ships. On the third day, the Jawas joined the party [14], and kicked it up a notch, hatching a daring plan to start doing a bit more damage. Best party I’ve been to all year [15].

Petabys, Battle Two, Y26 D86-88, Highlight on Anonymous War Hero

Jawa War Hero, personal information redacted for their safety. Assumed to be a Jawa due to the nature of heroic acts.

When approached for comment, ████ ███████ of Clan ██████ only had two words to say “█████ ███████.” However, this press release would like to continue to highlight his success as a Jawa War Hero, even if ██ ██ a ███ who ████ obese ███ █ ███ slime trails.

Records from the event show that late in the evening [16] of day 87, Clan ██████, who had been nearby engaging pirate forces, received intelligence that the Son-Tuul had resumed efforts to capture a cache of rebel technology in Petabys. Additionally, this clan was all that was left of Jawa Coalition [17] forces in the area, with most Coalition forces becoming distracted with a flash sale at a local Morobe trading station. They immediately mustered six U-Wings [18], piloted by elderly and infirm volunteers. Less than thirty minutes later, the U-Wings arrived in the area to perform a risky rescue maneuver. Making use of the U-Wings premium [19] survivability [20] and blockade [21] running [22] technology [23], ████ ███████ was able to survive the Son-Tuul assault and close the distance on the cache of technology. Making use of a ‘comm-worm’ [24] and hyperdrive slaving, Clan ██████ was able to extract a large amount of rebel technology for use by future Jawa Coalition forces.

Serroco, End of Son-Tuul Blockade, Y26 D88, The Story of Tilba Ugama

Former Religious Leader, Current U-wing Salesman

As is typical of a warzone, weird stuff happens. After several days of back and forth assaults between the Jawa Coalition and Son-Tuul forces, Tilba Ugama led a surprising solo offensive [25]. Tilba Ugama, former head of the Jawa Industrial Magi, was seen covertly boarding and taking command of a U-Wing squad intent on breaking the blockade at Serroco in what was deemed by many to be a publicity stunt [26] for the Jawa designed gunboat. Seconds later, one of his ex-wives, Jawela Anderson, entered the hangar screaming random words like “alimony” and “failure to comply with the agreed asset division” [27], just to see the squad flying out. The squad actually broke through the Son-Tuul blockade, sustaining heavy fire from fifteen assorted enemy squads, and making it to planetary orbit before Tilba was forced to eject into an escape pod. “Faced with the choice of Son-Tuul massed forces or Jawela’s wrath, I did the sensible thing, because that’s one nasty jawa lady. I’m glad that I’m not alone thinking that, considering Son Tuul also bounced, afraid of her”, as Tilba stated after the fact.

General State of Piracy, Y26 D89, Analysis with Jic Uiji

Jawa Offworld Enterprises Co-Founder and Former Pirate of an Alternative Pirating Group

Leading up to the Son-Tuul retreat we’ve witnessed various interesting behaviours. We’ve seen Son-Tuul Pride is increasingly suffering from poor communication between their satellite groups [31]. We’ve seen the “official” numbers on captured ships from Son-Tuul leadership and we know that there have been several restricted ships which clearly were not reported back to their commanders from the rank and file who captured them [32]. We’ve also seen Son-Tuul commanders attempting to taunt Jawa leadership, demanding the return of various defectors from the pirate organization and Son-Tuul’s allies. However, these taunts seem to significantly misunderstand the scale of both public and private defectors to Jawa space [33] suggesting a lack of intelligence sharing. It will be interesting to see how this increasingly decentralized piracy plays out with the current lack of successful leadership.

State of Jawa Coalition Forces, Y26 D89, Interview with Redjon Mirrabel

Former Pirate Serving Parole, Generalismo Redjon Mirrabel

The Jawa Coalition of Jawa Offworld Enterprises working with other “Rebel” [34] allies has shown an example of functionally working across political divides to advance common interests against our shared enemies, in this case providing a deterrent to small time pirates. Everyone performed very well and I’m grateful our losses were fewer than our average internal training exercise [35]. I’d like to personally thank the leadership and members of The Resistance who personally deployed with a significant military presence that assisted heavily in Petabys and Serroco. I’d also like to thank and highlight the successes of the Jedi Order who sent several Jedi who proved critical as a part of the initial efforts to break the blockade at Serroco. Additionally, The Exchange’s existing forces designed to safeguard their bounty hunting network in Serroco proved to be critical in slowing down early Son-Tuul forces in that region. We look forward to working more closely with them in the future against even greater adversaries [36].

It is expected that the skirmishes between Jawa Offworld Enterprises and Son-Tuul will continue. However, with the leader of Son-Tuul publicly announcing [37] their most recent retreat after a humiliating final day of combat, seeing dual offensives in Petabys and Serroco from Jawa Coalition forces succeed in shutting down pirate activities, it is unclear when the pirates will dare return.

Footnotes

1. Jawa Offworld Enterprises as an organization has been at war for most of their existence, but insist this is not by choice.
2. Jawa-owned media would like to reaffirm that trade with other races is beneficial despite implied Jawa superiority.
3. Jawa Industrial Magi is the only endorsed religion, the rest are simply tolerated.
4. The winner will typically gain in profit despite short term losses.
5. Jawa analysts attribute the declaration of war as being the catalyst for surges in stock value for recycling corporations across Tatoo.
6. This rebel technology included A-wings, B-wings, X-wings, and Y-wings. However, no U-wings, which are the primary warfighting platform according to recent Jawa sales reports.
7. Often known as RAID, the Robed Alliance for Intergalactic Defense is sometimes also known as the Robed Alliance for Intergalactic Domination.
8. Rapidly Assembled Task Force: A slang term in Jawa leadership for a group of random volunteers, typically without formal training.
9. Over 90 ships were destroyed after Bork Shalas fled from the scene with only 1 Jawa casualty.
10. Ship-boarding has started to become known as “Jorning” a ship in RAID. Debate over how to pronounce this newly renamed maneuver is not settled. Jorn himself insists it should just be called ‘boarding’, but no-one will agree with him.
11. The Exchange was briefly owned and controlled by Jawas during which their cloak and dagger operations became known as robe and dagger; however, new leadership is supposedly disconnected from Jawa influence.
12. Jawa xenobiologists were eager to locate speaking geejaw on Serroco following this report but have been unable to begin research due to recent blockades.
13. Due to large amounts of ship wreckage, this is understood to be an analogy.
14. The Jawas, despite their name, would like to highlight the success of many strange non-Jawas among their ranks who have been critical in this war.
15. Cherokee Partie is now ranked second best.
16. Petabys has no sun, evening is defined as evening on Tatooine’s capital of Mos Espa.
17. The Jawa Coalition consisted of Jawa Offworld Enterprises, Jawa Outer Colonies as well as allies The Resistance, The Jedi Order, The Exchange, The Antarian Rangers, and The Partisans.
18. 6 U-wings are all you need to achieve your squadrons dreams!
19. U-wings cost a premium due to their key battle fighting attributes.
20. U-wings are notably hard to destroy even with improper use.
21. Blockades are notably difficult to run.
22. Refer to 21, running is hard to do through a blockade.
23. Jawa’s control U-wing technology and generously allow others to pay for access to it.
24. We do not understand this techno-babble either.
25. All Jawa leadership disavowed his actions until he actually somehow succeeded in his plans to make it to the planet. Tilba is now recognized as a war hero.
26. Refer to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu_yoZ9heRY
27. Tilba has previously faced extensive legal troubles when he fraudulently raided the coffers of the Jawa Industrial Magi.
28. Due to complexities in war it’s often unclear exact numbers of losses. This includes, to the best of our knowledge, all combat losses on both sides of the conflict since the start of operations on Y26 D55 until the announced Son-Tuul retreat on D89. Parties unrelated to the conflict have been omitted.
29. 13 Toscans is 1 squad and 1 solo Toscan. Due to drunkeness, Jorn decided to fly a single Toscan without any squadron into battle and faced immediate destruction.
30. To our surprise, an unrelated pirate named Mitth Wake was able to convince Son-Tuul leadership to entrust him with capturing a significant portion of the rebel cache as well as a carrier ship, this pirate went and stole them from Bork Shalas directly for no payment. This is unrelated to Jawa activities and we do not take proverbial credit for this; however, we would be happy to take any literal credits possible. When asked for comment, Mitth Wake said “I’ll be applying for the space police to atone for my past”. We wish him well in this endeavour.
31. Son-Tuul Pride forces consist of approximately 10 different organizations with varying levels of independence from their central leader Bork Shalas.
32. A common tactic among mid-level Jawa bureaucrats, expect 15% of all droids purchased to go to management corruption.
33. Son-Tuul’s declaration of war has resulted in more recruitment of talented individuals than any other incident in Jawa history.
34. Rebel is used to specifically refer to the Rebel Alliance.
35. Ini Kedi attempting to recycle scrap has resulted in over 100 million in damages to critical security infrastructure.
36. Rumors of a Sun-Tool Prude are the current focus of Jawa intelligence.
37. This announcement was deemed a strategic withdrawal due to their strategies requiring them to withdraw or suffer continued decimation.

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