{"id":1201,"date":"2023-04-28T08:30:30","date_gmt":"2023-04-28T08:30:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ordcantrell.com\/index.php\/2023\/04\/28\/spreadsheet-gains-awareness-and-plunges-nar-shaddaa-into-chaos\/"},"modified":"2023-04-28T08:30:30","modified_gmt":"2023-04-28T08:30:30","slug":"spreadsheet-gains-awareness-and-plunges-nar-shaddaa-into-chaos","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ordcantrell.com\/index.php\/2023\/04\/28\/spreadsheet-gains-awareness-and-plunges-nar-shaddaa-into-chaos\/","title":{"rendered":"Spreadsheet Gains Awareness and Plunges Nar Shaddaa into Chaos"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

The familiar Chiss news anchor speaks to the camera. He is broadcasting from the bridge of a capital ship.<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

News Anchor:<\/strong> “We report tonight from high orbit of the Smuggler\u2019s Moon as the surface is in utter turmoil due to the recent sentience of the Guild\u2019s city design spreadsheet. From what we have been able to gather, the program became aware sometime yesterday and started a war with the Smugglers Guild for control of the moon. The spreadsheet, identifying itself as \u2018Celine,\u2019 states, \u2018Mazer doesn\u2019t understand the subtleties of appropriate planetary design. He cannot be trusted.\u2019\u00a0We go now to Guild leader, Sol Mazer, above the cities of Nar Shaddaa with his squadron.”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The image changes to Celine with an inset of Mazer in the cockpit of a Y-Wing. The view outside of the craft is a spinning confusion of danger.<\/em>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/span>News Anchor:<\/strong> “Mr. Mazer, this is Guild Quarterly. How goes your effort to regain control?”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Mazer:<\/strong> “Oh, hey. I\u2019m kinda busy at the moment… (Into his headset)<\/em> What??!…\u00a0 TAKE IT OUT! I don\u2019t care, just do it! The Zeltron dancers need air support! … (To camera)<\/em> Can we do this at another time?”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

News Anchor:<\/strong> “No. Relate to us how this started.”\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Mazer:<\/strong> (Answers as he cranes his head around for targets)<\/em> “Well, we\u2019re doing a redesign of the moon, and I thought, \u2018What if I put four prisons and thirty slave markets in this city? Will this block fit twenty-four casinos? What if I put a labor camp over here?’ That sort of thing. Then I adjusted our spreadsheets for the changes\u00a0and deleted a bunch stuff\u2014POO-DOO!!! AHHHHH!!!<\/strong>\u00a0 (The cockpit\u2019s exterior spirals as Mazer avoids SAMs and beam weapons. He responds with a volley of his own laser fire.<\/em>) \u00a0NINE HELLS<\/strong> that was close! \u2026 Jeez\u2026 I, uh, deleted all the libraries and fountains and parks from the ‘sheets. Removed all the apartment buildings. You know, just having some fun with the program.\u00a0Next thing\u2014(Mazer reflexively ducks his head as a chunk of debris bounces off his canopy<\/em>)\u2014the\u00a0next thing that happens is \u2018Celine\u2019 pops on the screen.\u00a0 She\u2019s tellin\u2019 me I\u2019m unfit to oversee Nar Shaddaa and starts a shooting war with the Guild. Using our own planetary defenses and droids\u00a0do it!”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

News Anchor:<\/strong>\u00a0 “What is the Smugglers Guild doing to correct this?”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Mazer:<\/strong>\u00a0 “We\u2019re doing a proper fix right now. Celine will be toast before you know it. (Speaking into his headset<\/em>) Woodchuck to Face-Man. Woodchuck to Face-Man. Respond, Face-Man\u2026. Reith, I\u2019m forming up on your six. Ooo! Got EEM!!\u00a0 NICE SHOT!!\u00a0 Flying over your left shoulder to do my run. Give me some room… YEEEEE-HAAAAA!!!!<\/strong>“<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The video inset of Mazer goes black.<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"News Anchor: <\/strong>“The\u00a0Celine War is the first\u2014wait! This just in: Planetary Governor Jaxon Al`zandar is on the surface of the moon. We have just established a link with him. Are you able to talk, Governor? Where are you?”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Appearing on the holo are Jaxon and other smugglers in an enclosed room with technical equipment. The room shakes with the tremors of the war. Dust and small bits of debris fall on the smugglers in the frame.<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Al`zandar:<\/strong> “We’re in an old, reinforced bunker; I\u2019m hesitant to say precisely where. DeGriz fired up his 510 to get us here. We ran into some heavy orbital weapon fire and automated city defenses.\u00a0What flying!\u00a0 That man deserves an award.”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Olos is in view with an archaic comms device in hand, he is covering the mouthpiece. He addresses Al`zander.<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Olos: <\/strong>“Dude\u2026 The Jawas say it\u2019s not a bug\u2014 it\u2019s a feature! (Into the receiver<\/em>) Where? Where does it say in the owner\u2019s manual that the program takes over? ‘The User Agreement??\u2019 \u00a0NOBODY READS THAT STUFF!<\/strong>“<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

News Anchor: <\/strong>“What do you hope to achieve, Governor? Can control be restored before the moon suffers more damage?”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Al`zandar:<\/strong> “I hope so!\u00a0Eidola gave me administrator credentials back in the day. Mazer probably never changed the access requirements. I might be able to get into the city design system and put an end to all this.” (He moves the input device of his workstation and taps at the console as the room bounces with explosive shockwaves. Tense moments pass and then, suddenly, everything goes quiet.<\/em>)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Al`zander:<\/strong> “I shut her down! Task manager to the rescue!”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The smugglers begin to celebrate. The feed cuts back to the Chiss anchorman.\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

News Anchor:<\/strong> “It seems the conflict has been resolved\u2014and not too late, some would say. We will continue coverage after our break.”\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The familiar Chiss news anchor speaks to the camera. He is broadcasting from the bridge of a capital ship. News… <\/p>\n

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